My revelation? Right, that is where I was. Yes, Mexico was extremely therapeutic and I became this whole new woman on a mission to not seek love, but put myself in situations where the possibility exists. For me, this was online dating. This was my big risk, because let’s be real, you have to schedule an appointment just to see me these days with a life dedicated to two jobs and a full marathon I committed to participate in. Yeah, I know I am overloading myself and burning the candle at both ends, but I can’t get rid of my jobs and running is strictly a way I escape my mental inability to detach myself from the stress of life. But, whatever time I do have I will be window shopping for men online. At least, that is what a friend of mine told me it would be like because that is how it was for her. She has been in a successful relationship for a little over a year and my mom and step dad met online, so it must work right?
I have been on match.com for about two weeks now. One night my one girlfriend who was on eharmoney.com came over and we opened up a bottle of wine to set this baby of a profile up. Let me tell you, that process is exhausting in itself. It is crazy to see the analysis my friend and I went through to say the perfect sentence as my profile headline or the perfect pictures to post to show all the right angles of my body. I was so stressed out because I felt I apparently had to be able to attract EVERYONE. I know now that this isn’t possible.
I’ve learned after these two weeks, it is all a numbers game, which I suck at playing. There is a pattern that I can’t seem to guide myself out of. The guys I am attracted to and I reach out to do not respond to my emails or winks. Yes, that’s right a wink. It is a bizarre feature because I am pretty sure I have not done that at a bar to a man across the room, but I am assuming that is what the action is compared to. But anyways, I rarely received a response back. On the other hand, these men who were reaching out to me where in my exact same shoes. I felt awful for declining based off of a profile, but there has to be some instant attraction right? And I at least sent back a generic declining email. Is that more polite than just not responding? I know it sent me a needle of rejection every time I either didn’t hear from someone or received a rejection email. It just made me realize rejection hurts no matter what or who gives it to you. I saw this quote on Pinterest and it said, “Rejection is a part of life. Just learn to deal with it and keep moving.” Obviously, that is easier said than done, but I am going to try and not be that girl I tend to be where I internalize EVERYTHING causing some good old self-esteem issues.
I am going to stay positive through this experience and hope that maybe some good dates come out of dating online.
To finding love…
Emma Faith ❤