A New Year, A New Me

With the New Year approaching, it is time to re-evaluate and set new goals. Of course I still have the typical lose weight, stay organized and pay off debt, but I have decided to add a few new challenges to my list. These new challenges are not necessarily about re-inventing myself or becoming a new me, because I actually really like who I am. It is more about always trying to be the best person I can be and to not let my life waste away. Although I am only 25-years-old, the craziness of personal triumph and tragedy in 2013 has reminded me that life is short and we must rise to the occasion.

My first challenge is all about creating opportunities. This idea came about after enjoying dinner with a fellow single friend of mine. We were having our normal single girl rant conversations and two rather attractive men came and sat at the table next to us. We quickly realized they were having the same EXACT conversation we were having, with one even mentioning he was still trying to get over a recent break-up. We all continued to awkwardly acknowledge each other with glances across the table. They obviously noticed us and we noticed them. Yet, no one did anything about it. We could have easily started up a conversation and invited them to the next place we were going to have drinks, but we didn’t. The only reason I could think of on why we did that was because we were afraid, completely and utterly afraid of rejection. And this is where the pattern stops. We have to stop being afraid and take advantage of the opportunity, forcing myself to get out of my comfort zone. It is what Neale Donald Walsch said, “Life begins at the edge of your comfort zone.”  If I am not going to date online and I have vowed to never date anyone at work (you don’t shit where you eat), than I am going to have to create opportunities and interactions to meet men in LA.

magic

Another challenge I am making myself do also has to do with my dating life, but more about experimenting on what guys find attractive and who I am while dating. Obviously I am still going to be myself, but I literally have zero dating experience and going on first dates terrifies the crap out of me. With that being said, I am the nice girl and I can only assume that I portray the type of woman who doesn’t seem like a chase to men. This is why I usually am placed in the friend-zone (EliteDaily). So one day, I was googling books on how to attract men and one that I had heard multiple times before kept popping up on the feed. It was “Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl – A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship”, and I thought “this is exactly the book for me.” Book purchased, and I have decided after I read each chapter I am going to apply it to my life and write about the difference it has or hasn’t made in my dating life. I know it sounds stupid, but I could use anything to jump-start this dead battery of a dating life.

The year 2014 is looking like a land of possibilities and I am ready to grab it by its balls and run with it…every corny cliché rolled in to one.

XOXO

Valerie

Ohhh Tequila

So, I had my clear revelation and promised myself I wouldn’t take any more steps backwards than I already have, which I haven’t. Following this turning point I went to vacation with my roommate. It was just the two of us girls, which actually worked out well for what I needed. It is hard to coordinate with a bunch of girls do EVERYTHING that EVERYONE wanted to do. This trip, we each were able to do what we wanted and what I wanted to do let to something I needed. P.S. Get your m4776_9x12_1Tequila_MUST_BLK__81477.1349719653.600.600ind out of the gutter 😉

This trip to Mexico was everything I could have imagined. It was relaxing, adventurous, stress-free and even painful. But it also gave me something else…Confidence.  After one too many drinks and shots of tequila, my favorite, I found myself finally letting loose and just enjoying being out with people my age at Cabo Wabo. I finally didn’t care about making eye contact with the cute guy across the room or making sure that I stood out and had the perfect pout to catch somebody’s attention.

Then, out of nowhere, comes a cute guy from Pasadena. I didn’t know it, but he helped me with more than getting drunk on Tequila. The reminder that there are men out there who pursue women, maybe for non-relationship intentions, but they do pursue and stay gentlemanly. We danced, we drank, we danced and drank some more and it was perfect. There may have been a little smooch fest at the end of the night, but I decided to stay true to myself and allow myself to properly heal. You all should be proud of me for that! Because a girl has needs! In the end, numbers were exchanged and maybe a few texts, but nothing in the sense of picking up where we left off once we landed back in Cali. But I am okay  with that! It gave me the kick in the ass I needed. I am ready to date and open myself up to both rejection and happiness. This is a huge step after a year of living in the past. Communication has stopped with the ex and it is time to move forward, with whomever and how ever that is going to be.

Cheers to finally setting myself free!

Until next time…

Emma

Hindsight is ALWAYS 20/20

hindsight

I relapsed. I was doing so well on my journey to become a strong independent woman who was ok with love taking its dear old sweet time finding me. I had just made it to the point where I knew my value and knew that settling was not an option when it came to my happiness. I wanted that for myself so badly and knew that once I accepted myself for who I was,  love would find me because I had to love myself first. But then it happened.

My ex has been persistent for the last year in trying to “win” me back. He had told me he was a changed man and would not treat me how he did for six years. Yeah, I know, people do not change that much. But maybe I wanted to believe that the man I loved for so long in my life had finally realized what he was doing and was on his way to becoming the man I knew he could be. Hindsight is always 20/20 and I finally realize that he will never be the man I need because, well he just doesn’t want to be. I was  hoping rather than seeing the reality for our entire relationship.

With all that said, I took the bait about three months ago and decided to give it one last shot; everything seemed promising…until it wasn’t.  We went on three official dates in three months. Really trying to win me back right? I was ignoring what I already knew because all of our time spent together felt the same, it was COMFORTABLE.  After that third date I was given an ultimatum that I needed to decide to be all in or move on, and I finally decided to give an ultimatum myself. It wasn’t much to ask just some growing up on his part was needed, but he couldn’t do it. Therefore I finally found the courage to tell him and myself, “You are not the man for me and I must move on.”

This was a big step for me and I was miserable for a while and my friends can attest to that. A month has gone by and I feel stronger than ever regarding my value and the type of man I want as a companion.  I know I have said that before, but this time I mean it. If I fall backwards I finally have some amazing friends who will catch me before I have to take the step back on my own to catch myself.

So to this new step I say… Bring on the dating Groupons and Living Social relationship deals because LA is WAY too expensive without a little help 😉

Until next time!

Emma ❤

The YES Man

 

 

 

Frustration. Loneliness. Free. Lost. Happy. Anxious. Confused. These are a majority of the feelings I have felt over the last few months while being on this journey called being single. I almost feel like I am in a ten step program or the stages of grief; maybe a mixture of the two. These feelings honestly depend on the circumstances or surroundings of my life. Like today the Taylor Swift CD “Red” was released, which of course I bought being a huge fan. As much as I loved the ENTIRE album, it made me extremely sad about my relationship status and what it has encountered. But then there are those moments where it is nice to not have to be accountable to anyone but you. I can do as I please at any moment…for the most part.

I honestly think that what I need in my life is a YES man, as my brother would say. A YES man is someone who is available the majority of the time to hangout and do adventurous things together that we both want to do. With such a hectic schedule, I don’t necessarily have the time to put my emotions and energy in to maintaining a romantic relationship with someone. There has to be guys out there who would want the same attributes to a relationship as I would. I guess you could call it a more mature version of a “Friend with Benefits” or at least that is what I tell myself. This would have been especially useful this weekend while attending my friends wedding. I was the person who went stag, while the large majority of my friends are in serious relationships. Yep, I was that girl. It would have been 100% more exhilarating if I had that YES man to attend with me who I would know that I would have fun with. Is this kind of man even out there? If so, can someone send him my way? I will be searching for him… or maybe the key is to not search at all? That is a whole other topic, which may be too long to blog.

But until next time!

~Emma

The Dating Rules

The option to fail in dating is higher due to our unrealistic image of fate and how it is meant to be. The majority of this image comes from movies, TV shows or even magazine articles we read in which we identify these dating “rules” we must follow. I personally don’t think there is anything wrong with these rules because we all need some guidelines and standards to live by in all aspects in life, especially dating. The issue I am having is deciding which “dating” rules I am supposed to follow and which ones are total BS. For instance, if I exchange numbers with a guy, do I need to wait for him to text me first? And if I don’t need to wait, how many days am I supposed to give to balance the “over eager girl” with the “forgotten one” after waiting too long? Or how many dates do we wait to get intimate with a guy? This rule is courtesy of the move Friends with Benefits, one of my all-time favorite RomComs. But can I really trust the rules of having a “cuddle buddy?” There are just so many questions in my head so I decided my quest will only take me to one place…..Google.

Below are some of the most popular dating rules / myths that I found relate to what we see on television and what some articles I found on the internet say about them.

  1. Don’t have sex on the first date, but be prepared to sleep on the third one.

I personally don’t think there should be a set time limit and it should be about what feels right and what the expectation of the relationship is. However, I do feel that it should always be about how comfortable you are with it and moving at your own pace. According to an article written by Denise Schipani, she agrees, stating “…rules don’t help you figure out the right time to have sex – your own feelings and instincts do.”

  1. If you are divorced, wait one month for each year you were married before dating.

I find this just ludicrous. People move on in some many different ways. I have never been married, but I can’t see this as being reasonable. What happens to the man or woman who had been married for 20 years?

  1. The guy always pays.

This one is tough because it comes down to the view the female and male have on a traditional view or a new age view. I am a hopeless romantic and want to be whisked off my feet, and one way to do that is by picking up the check a majority of the time. I am the first to admit that a woman does not need a man, but I do know that in my relationships the money he spends will be a wash because I truly love to spoil my boyfriends.

  1. The guy needs to call first.

This rule is the one I struggle with the most. Traditionally, a woman waits for the man to call, but now social networking changes everything. They can just go look you up and get a second impression without even a phone call or text. I do not think that a woman can’t call, but I do think woman take rejection harder and I would much rather not receive a call, then putting the effort out there first and not hearing back.

  1. Online Dating is the last resort and/or only for the updateable.  

I would be in this category to think this statement is true, but I am quickly learning that in this day and age it is completely acceptable and almost the best way to meet new people. With our hectic lives, it is hard to meet people, especially in bars in Los Angeles. I have been at this for how many months? I have also seen firsthand the success rate, having friends in their twenties find true love. The stereotype is that they are either a pedophile or loser, but this is all just a generalization. Studies show that one in five dating sites users marry someone they met online and 94% of couples who have developed a relationship online will make it to at least the second date. I find that to be really good odds. This brings me to my next adventure. Along time ago, I came across this website that sends you to a certain bar to meet a compatible companion based on a quiz you took and I always that it was a fantastic idea, especially for LA. This site has now turned in to an online dating site and match-making service rolled in to one, with the working professional in mind. The website is www.ThreeDayRule.com and I am diving head first in to it. And I will make sure to keep you posted.

If you have any other dating rules you want to talk about or have your favorite online dating site or story, please don’t hesitate to post in my comment section.

Until next time….

Emma J

Cheers to a New Chapter

In traffic… It seems to be the place where I do my deepest thinking. It is here that I am easily lost in my wondering thoughts sitting on the 405 in the worst bumper to bumper traffic, heading home from the typical 9-6 corporate job I worked so eagerly towards after college. I thought I had my life all mapped out, but here I am a year after graduating finding myself re-evaluating my life yet again. I had thought the drastic change I experienced after college and moving away from home would be the hardest change I would endure until marriage and kids entered the picture. What I didn’t realize was that my heart would go through so much torture after a six year relationship reached its breaking point and ultimately failed. I am now thrust in this world I never even really entered, the dating world.

Here in lies the background behind my decision to do this blog following my dating life and everything that comes with it. About 9 months ago, I made one of the hardest decisions of my life. I broke off a six year relationship with someone I had been with since my senior year of high school. Yes, that puts me at 24 years old. He was my first boyfriend, first love and my everything. I honestly saw myself marrying this man. This was definitely premature thinking on my part because really how do you know what you truly want when you are 18, but at that time I wanted him in my life forever. Fast forward almost seven years later and here I am rehashing the past nine months of trying to work something out that was never meant to be. Our lives started to head in different directions and I truly believe there was nothing either of us could do about it. We didn’t want the same things. There is no need to go into the logistics of why we aren’t together or what we have recently put each other through, all there is to know is that chapter in my life is closed.

My friends and family have urged me to throw myself out there and meet new guys. All I can think to myself is how scared I am and what if I made the wrong decision. Ironically, I came across this quote that has put this project of mine in to motion. “You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.” From that moment on, I knew this was something I wanted to do and my hope is this will help rebuild myself to be the strong woman I once was and maybe even inspire other women who are going through the same pains and fears.

So this is where the journey of my love life in L.A begins. The good, the bad, the funny and even the weirdest dating experiences I hope will unfold and I hope to bring them all to you.  I plan on thrusting myself in to every type of dating outlet I can, with the intention of not only healing, but gaining valuable dating experience I have longed for. 

Until next time!

~Emma