The Online Step

Image     My revelation? Right, that is where I was. Yes, Mexico was extremely therapeutic and I became this whole new woman on a mission to not seek love, but put myself in situations where the possibility exists. For me, this was online dating. This was my big risk, because let’s be real, you have to schedule an appointment just to see me these days with a life dedicated to two jobs and a full marathon I committed to participate in. Yeah, I know I am overloading myself and burning the candle at both ends, but I can’t get rid of my jobs and running is strictly a way I escape my mental inability to detach myself from the stress of life. But, whatever time I do have I will be window shopping for men online. At least, that is what a friend of mine told me it would be like because that is how it was for her. She has been in a successful relationship for a little over a year and my mom and step dad met online, so it must work right?

I have been on match.com for about two weeks now. One night my one girlfriend who was on eharmoney.com came over and we opened up a bottle of wine to set this baby of a profile up. Let me tell you, that process is exhausting in itself. It is crazy to see the analysis my friend and I went through to say the perfect sentence as my profile headline or the perfect pictures to post to show all the right angles of my body. I was so stressed out because I felt I apparently had to be able to attract EVERYONE. I know now that this isn’t possible.Image

I’ve learned after these two weeks, it is all a numbers game, which I suck at playing. There is a pattern that I can’t seem to guide myself out of. The guys I am attracted to and I reach out to do not respond to my emails or winks. Yes, that’s right a wink. It is a bizarre feature because I am pretty sure I have not done that at a bar to a man across the room, but I am assuming that is what the action is compared to. But anyways, I rarely received a response back. On the other hand, these men who were reaching out to me where in my exact same shoes. I felt awful for declining based off of a profile, but there has to be some instant attraction right? And I at least sent back a generic declining email. Is that more polite than just not responding? I know it sent me a needle of rejection every time I either didn’t hear from someone or received a rejection email. It just made me realize rejection hurts no matter what or who gives it to you. I saw this quote on Pinterest and it said, “Rejection is a part of life. Just learn to deal with it and keep moving.” Obviously, that is easier said than done, but I am going to try and not be that girl I tend to be where I internalize EVERYTHING causing some good old self-esteem issues.

I am going to stay positive through this experience and hope that maybe some good dates come out of dating online.

To finding love…

Emma Faith ❤

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Ohhh Tequila

So, I had my clear revelation and promised myself I wouldn’t take any more steps backwards than I already have, which I haven’t. Following this turning point I went to vacation with my roommate. It was just the two of us girls, which actually worked out well for what I needed. It is hard to coordinate with a bunch of girls do EVERYTHING that EVERYONE wanted to do. This trip, we each were able to do what we wanted and what I wanted to do let to something I needed. P.S. Get your m4776_9x12_1Tequila_MUST_BLK__81477.1349719653.600.600ind out of the gutter 😉

This trip to Mexico was everything I could have imagined. It was relaxing, adventurous, stress-free and even painful. But it also gave me something else…Confidence.  After one too many drinks and shots of tequila, my favorite, I found myself finally letting loose and just enjoying being out with people my age at Cabo Wabo. I finally didn’t care about making eye contact with the cute guy across the room or making sure that I stood out and had the perfect pout to catch somebody’s attention.

Then, out of nowhere, comes a cute guy from Pasadena. I didn’t know it, but he helped me with more than getting drunk on Tequila. The reminder that there are men out there who pursue women, maybe for non-relationship intentions, but they do pursue and stay gentlemanly. We danced, we drank, we danced and drank some more and it was perfect. There may have been a little smooch fest at the end of the night, but I decided to stay true to myself and allow myself to properly heal. You all should be proud of me for that! Because a girl has needs! In the end, numbers were exchanged and maybe a few texts, but nothing in the sense of picking up where we left off once we landed back in Cali. But I am okay  with that! It gave me the kick in the ass I needed. I am ready to date and open myself up to both rejection and happiness. This is a huge step after a year of living in the past. Communication has stopped with the ex and it is time to move forward, with whomever and how ever that is going to be.

Cheers to finally setting myself free!

Until next time…

Emma

Hindsight is ALWAYS 20/20

hindsight

I relapsed. I was doing so well on my journey to become a strong independent woman who was ok with love taking its dear old sweet time finding me. I had just made it to the point where I knew my value and knew that settling was not an option when it came to my happiness. I wanted that for myself so badly and knew that once I accepted myself for who I was,  love would find me because I had to love myself first. But then it happened.

My ex has been persistent for the last year in trying to “win” me back. He had told me he was a changed man and would not treat me how he did for six years. Yeah, I know, people do not change that much. But maybe I wanted to believe that the man I loved for so long in my life had finally realized what he was doing and was on his way to becoming the man I knew he could be. Hindsight is always 20/20 and I finally realize that he will never be the man I need because, well he just doesn’t want to be. I was  hoping rather than seeing the reality for our entire relationship.

With all that said, I took the bait about three months ago and decided to give it one last shot; everything seemed promising…until it wasn’t.  We went on three official dates in three months. Really trying to win me back right? I was ignoring what I already knew because all of our time spent together felt the same, it was COMFORTABLE.  After that third date I was given an ultimatum that I needed to decide to be all in or move on, and I finally decided to give an ultimatum myself. It wasn’t much to ask just some growing up on his part was needed, but he couldn’t do it. Therefore I finally found the courage to tell him and myself, “You are not the man for me and I must move on.”

This was a big step for me and I was miserable for a while and my friends can attest to that. A month has gone by and I feel stronger than ever regarding my value and the type of man I want as a companion.  I know I have said that before, but this time I mean it. If I fall backwards I finally have some amazing friends who will catch me before I have to take the step back on my own to catch myself.

So to this new step I say… Bring on the dating Groupons and Living Social relationship deals because LA is WAY too expensive without a little help 😉

Until next time!

Emma ❤

The YES Man

 

 

 

Frustration. Loneliness. Free. Lost. Happy. Anxious. Confused. These are a majority of the feelings I have felt over the last few months while being on this journey called being single. I almost feel like I am in a ten step program or the stages of grief; maybe a mixture of the two. These feelings honestly depend on the circumstances or surroundings of my life. Like today the Taylor Swift CD “Red” was released, which of course I bought being a huge fan. As much as I loved the ENTIRE album, it made me extremely sad about my relationship status and what it has encountered. But then there are those moments where it is nice to not have to be accountable to anyone but you. I can do as I please at any moment…for the most part.

I honestly think that what I need in my life is a YES man, as my brother would say. A YES man is someone who is available the majority of the time to hangout and do adventurous things together that we both want to do. With such a hectic schedule, I don’t necessarily have the time to put my emotions and energy in to maintaining a romantic relationship with someone. There has to be guys out there who would want the same attributes to a relationship as I would. I guess you could call it a more mature version of a “Friend with Benefits” or at least that is what I tell myself. This would have been especially useful this weekend while attending my friends wedding. I was the person who went stag, while the large majority of my friends are in serious relationships. Yep, I was that girl. It would have been 100% more exhilarating if I had that YES man to attend with me who I would know that I would have fun with. Is this kind of man even out there? If so, can someone send him my way? I will be searching for him… or maybe the key is to not search at all? That is a whole other topic, which may be too long to blog.

But until next time!

~Emma

The Dating Rules

The option to fail in dating is higher due to our unrealistic image of fate and how it is meant to be. The majority of this image comes from movies, TV shows or even magazine articles we read in which we identify these dating “rules” we must follow. I personally don’t think there is anything wrong with these rules because we all need some guidelines and standards to live by in all aspects in life, especially dating. The issue I am having is deciding which “dating” rules I am supposed to follow and which ones are total BS. For instance, if I exchange numbers with a guy, do I need to wait for him to text me first? And if I don’t need to wait, how many days am I supposed to give to balance the “over eager girl” with the “forgotten one” after waiting too long? Or how many dates do we wait to get intimate with a guy? This rule is courtesy of the move Friends with Benefits, one of my all-time favorite RomComs. But can I really trust the rules of having a “cuddle buddy?” There are just so many questions in my head so I decided my quest will only take me to one place…..Google.

Below are some of the most popular dating rules / myths that I found relate to what we see on television and what some articles I found on the internet say about them.

  1. Don’t have sex on the first date, but be prepared to sleep on the third one.

I personally don’t think there should be a set time limit and it should be about what feels right and what the expectation of the relationship is. However, I do feel that it should always be about how comfortable you are with it and moving at your own pace. According to an article written by Denise Schipani, she agrees, stating “…rules don’t help you figure out the right time to have sex – your own feelings and instincts do.”

  1. If you are divorced, wait one month for each year you were married before dating.

I find this just ludicrous. People move on in some many different ways. I have never been married, but I can’t see this as being reasonable. What happens to the man or woman who had been married for 20 years?

  1. The guy always pays.

This one is tough because it comes down to the view the female and male have on a traditional view or a new age view. I am a hopeless romantic and want to be whisked off my feet, and one way to do that is by picking up the check a majority of the time. I am the first to admit that a woman does not need a man, but I do know that in my relationships the money he spends will be a wash because I truly love to spoil my boyfriends.

  1. The guy needs to call first.

This rule is the one I struggle with the most. Traditionally, a woman waits for the man to call, but now social networking changes everything. They can just go look you up and get a second impression without even a phone call or text. I do not think that a woman can’t call, but I do think woman take rejection harder and I would much rather not receive a call, then putting the effort out there first and not hearing back.

  1. Online Dating is the last resort and/or only for the updateable.  

I would be in this category to think this statement is true, but I am quickly learning that in this day and age it is completely acceptable and almost the best way to meet new people. With our hectic lives, it is hard to meet people, especially in bars in Los Angeles. I have been at this for how many months? I have also seen firsthand the success rate, having friends in their twenties find true love. The stereotype is that they are either a pedophile or loser, but this is all just a generalization. Studies show that one in five dating sites users marry someone they met online and 94% of couples who have developed a relationship online will make it to at least the second date. I find that to be really good odds. This brings me to my next adventure. Along time ago, I came across this website that sends you to a certain bar to meet a compatible companion based on a quiz you took and I always that it was a fantastic idea, especially for LA. This site has now turned in to an online dating site and match-making service rolled in to one, with the working professional in mind. The website is www.ThreeDayRule.com and I am diving head first in to it. And I will make sure to keep you posted.

If you have any other dating rules you want to talk about or have your favorite online dating site or story, please don’t hesitate to post in my comment section.

Until next time….

Emma J

Groupon and Speed Dating

Five minutes. Can you feel a connection with someone in five minutes? Speed dating, originally created by a Jewish Rabbi from Beverly Hills in 1998, which uses this logic for singles to meet. I decided to test this theory since I vowed to try any kind of dating experience.

First, I must tell you that Groupon has apparently begun to influence my dating life. I saw a Groupon for a National Speed Dating company, whom had a home base near where I worked. I bought two discounts, hoping I could talk one of my good friends in to going with me. Of course I couldn’t go by myself with one of these things. The only knowledge I had of Speed Dating is what I have seen on Sex and The City and 40-year-old Virgin. If only that is what it was really like. It is a good thing I bought these coupons, because I definitely would not have been happy to pay $50 dollars to attend one of these things that didn’t even include a complimentary drink.

Obviously, first impressions are significant in any kind of relationship, with the ability to make or break it. Speed Dating is just that; a first impression. Unfortunately, the first impression didn’t go to well for my friend or me. I can humbly say that we were the best looking people in the room. I know I am sounding totally stuck up, but I do believe physical attraction is necessary and there was none of that going on. The demographic was also predominately Asian, which is not necessarily the type I am attracted to. However, I am not the type of person to give up or not give chances. Of course impressions can and should change once you meet somebody, but  the night just got perpetually worse. The room was HOT the entire time and we did not find out there was water in the room until we were two hours in; yes this was a 3 and a half hour event on a work night! Not only were the conditions uncomfortable, but it felt like I was on a job interview with 22 men. My friend and I ended up trying to make fun of the situation by asking really random and odd questions, which helped the night pass by quicker.

At the end of the evening, we used our “score cards” to write down the people we are interested and if they choose us as well, than the company sends the opposites information to you. I decided to only write two guys down whom I had the best conversations. We would find out if we were chosen the next day via email. As my inbox on my phone vibrated, I began to read the email the Speed Dating company sent me. I didn’t have ANY matches! I was perfectly ok with it, but there still was this feeling of why?

The movies definitely make it seem like Speed Dating is an exciting experience. I faced another harsh realization that movies and shows are just a fantasy.

If you decide to still attend one of these events, definitely wait until a Groupon deal strikes! 

Until next time……

Emma

He is Perfect for You!

I knew this day would come and I am at the point in my singlehood where I am confidently open to the idea. It is that moment where everyone you know has found out that you are single and they have someone who is “perfect” for you. Yes, I have reached this moment. My family is the first of the accomplices who have taken the reigns in finding me my soul mate. However, some discrepancies have come in to light having to do with the etiquette of setting someone up, with my mother being the main culprit.

First, it has come to my attention; my mother has no idea what my “type” in men is. She clearly does not pay attention to when I mention a guy is cute. She also broke the most important rule when you take on the task of setting someone up; she gives my number to anyone. And by anyone, I mean it is any guy who says they are single. I love my mother to death, but you can’t just set me up with random people. The other rule she breaks is ask EVERY single person she knows if they have somebody for me. I would think a mother would be picky for her daughter.

My dad on the other hand, has taken the opposite route. He is extremely picky with whom he suggests to me and he seems to know my taste in men to a “T”. If he says he has found someone he thinks I would be interested in, I know that he has tailored his pickings to me. But then the awkward part happens. How does your dad reach out to a guy and tell them their daughter is a catch? If we could get past this point, I will be golden. They always say, “Girls search for men who remind them of their fathers,” and I definitely would be lucky to have a guy like him.

All of this makes me ask the question if we can truly find our significant other on our own. Most people I know have met the person they are dating or married to through mutual friends. Is it rare to meet a perfect stranger with no help from an outside source? I guess this is why I am doing this blog, to find out for myself.

Until next time!

Emma

P.S. I don’t normally have dates planned until they happen, but I have a special event planned for this week and I am sure it will be a great story to tell!