One Dating Cliche you should NOT Listen to

You know that saying “if you stop looking for love it will find you”? In my personal opinion, this one statement is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard. If you believe this, you should probably throw away the extensive library of self-help books you own. There is no way a human you desire to date is just going to fall in your lap. If you are extremely lucky and timing is on your side you may be part of the 5% that happens to actually bump in to a stranger and have a happily ever after. But, for the rest of us, it is intentional life decisions regarding who, what and where we are that may result in meeting the man or woman of our dreams.

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First, it is physically impossible to not-look at someone you are attracted to and not think of them as date-able or imagine a relationship with them. When I am out with friends, if we see an attractive man approaching, the first thing we discuss is whether or not that individual is our type. It is against human nature to not look for love or a mate.

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If people stopped looking for love then there wouldn’t be OkCupid, Tinder, Match.com, eHarmony apps and websites. There also wouldn’t be Matchmaking services, Speed Dating or the newest addition to the dating world Grouper. According to a report released by Marketdata Enterprises, the dating services industry is worth more the 2.14 BILLION dollars. Logistically, if someone were to stop searching for their soul mate, someone else will find them because everyone else will be spending the time and money to sift through the available individuals.

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If you like Tinder, swipe away. If eHarmony is more your style, leave it to the quizzes. The ability to meet new people, both romantically and for friendship, is the hardest it has ever been due to technology, traffic and our tough economy. So the next time you feel guilty for trying one of these ways to meet your match, don’t. It is more important to be self-aware of you your situation and to not become obsessed with finding someone. Everyone deserves to love and to be loved. So….seek and you shall find.

its out there

The Group Method

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So dating online was a bust.  I was on Match.com for about a month and a half and I didn’t go on one date…not one.  I understand that I have to open myself to options and allow myself to experience all different types of people, but in the end it all felt like work. It was emotionally draining to jump on to this Rolodex of men and sift through all of the spam and horn dogs to try and find a decent looking man who knew how to actually write a readable paragraph. It is not that hard to write between 5-8 sentences without a spelling error, but I digress.

So, based on that rant, I clearly couldn’t handle online dating. However, I have found new confidence in the fact that I am only 25, so it is OK to not “settle” for online dating. Right? With this in mind, I am now one of those girls who commits to group activities almost every day of the week. I mean the only way I am going to meet people is if I start putting myself in coed situations that interest me, but good luck in trying to plan a date because my social calendar is jam-packed. Just kidding, if someone wants to take me out, they don’t even need to ask me the question. I will cancel all plans. It has been THAT long.  So, as for the groups I am in:

A Writer’s Workshop: This group is technically killing two birds with one stone. First, I am a creative minded individual and I think the person I may be interested in should also have a slight dose of creativity. It takes a personality trait to understand the idiocies of creative individuals, writers especially. A person who attends a writer’s workshop clearly understands the need for peace and quiet to get work done, as well as has the potential to understand my curse of the scatter brain. But second, I clearly need to carve out a chunk of time in my life to get my writing back up to speed on both this blog and other writing projects I am trying to pursue. The fact that I looked at my blog and the last post had been in July is NO BUENO! Sorry folks!

Church Small Groups: So I am actually in two separate church groups that are actually in two separate areas of Los Angeles. I would like to think of it as my way of extending my radius of meeting potential mates. They also both have two very different demographics of people, specifically men. My faith is actually something very important to me and it is also one of those interests that can make or break a relationship because a person’s faith is something that most people use as a foundation for many aspects of their life.

Dodgeball: Yes, you read that right. I play dodgeball. This actually covers quite a few characteristics I look for in a guy. I am a pretty active individual and it would be great to find someone who loves athletics just as much as I do. You would be surprised; it takes athleticism to play this game. I have also learned it takes quite a bit of endurance, wink wink. If a man plays dodgeball, it also shows that he has the potential to not take things too seriously. I mean we are throwing rubber balls at each other. How is that NOT funny? Also, the fact is, this is a legit competition and a little competitive fire in a man can be very endearing.

So, with that being said, I better have some damn updates for you guys with everything I am involving myself in. If not, there has to be something wrong with the world. Obviously I will never admit to something being wrong with me.

XOXO

Emma

The Online Step

Image     My revelation? Right, that is where I was. Yes, Mexico was extremely therapeutic and I became this whole new woman on a mission to not seek love, but put myself in situations where the possibility exists. For me, this was online dating. This was my big risk, because let’s be real, you have to schedule an appointment just to see me these days with a life dedicated to two jobs and a full marathon I committed to participate in. Yeah, I know I am overloading myself and burning the candle at both ends, but I can’t get rid of my jobs and running is strictly a way I escape my mental inability to detach myself from the stress of life. But, whatever time I do have I will be window shopping for men online. At least, that is what a friend of mine told me it would be like because that is how it was for her. She has been in a successful relationship for a little over a year and my mom and step dad met online, so it must work right?

I have been on match.com for about two weeks now. One night my one girlfriend who was on eharmoney.com came over and we opened up a bottle of wine to set this baby of a profile up. Let me tell you, that process is exhausting in itself. It is crazy to see the analysis my friend and I went through to say the perfect sentence as my profile headline or the perfect pictures to post to show all the right angles of my body. I was so stressed out because I felt I apparently had to be able to attract EVERYONE. I know now that this isn’t possible.Image

I’ve learned after these two weeks, it is all a numbers game, which I suck at playing. There is a pattern that I can’t seem to guide myself out of. The guys I am attracted to and I reach out to do not respond to my emails or winks. Yes, that’s right a wink. It is a bizarre feature because I am pretty sure I have not done that at a bar to a man across the room, but I am assuming that is what the action is compared to. But anyways, I rarely received a response back. On the other hand, these men who were reaching out to me where in my exact same shoes. I felt awful for declining based off of a profile, but there has to be some instant attraction right? And I at least sent back a generic declining email. Is that more polite than just not responding? I know it sent me a needle of rejection every time I either didn’t hear from someone or received a rejection email. It just made me realize rejection hurts no matter what or who gives it to you. I saw this quote on Pinterest and it said, “Rejection is a part of life. Just learn to deal with it and keep moving.” Obviously, that is easier said than done, but I am going to try and not be that girl I tend to be where I internalize EVERYTHING causing some good old self-esteem issues.

I am going to stay positive through this experience and hope that maybe some good dates come out of dating online.

To finding love…

Emma Faith ❤

The YES Man

 

 

 

Frustration. Loneliness. Free. Lost. Happy. Anxious. Confused. These are a majority of the feelings I have felt over the last few months while being on this journey called being single. I almost feel like I am in a ten step program or the stages of grief; maybe a mixture of the two. These feelings honestly depend on the circumstances or surroundings of my life. Like today the Taylor Swift CD “Red” was released, which of course I bought being a huge fan. As much as I loved the ENTIRE album, it made me extremely sad about my relationship status and what it has encountered. But then there are those moments where it is nice to not have to be accountable to anyone but you. I can do as I please at any moment…for the most part.

I honestly think that what I need in my life is a YES man, as my brother would say. A YES man is someone who is available the majority of the time to hangout and do adventurous things together that we both want to do. With such a hectic schedule, I don’t necessarily have the time to put my emotions and energy in to maintaining a romantic relationship with someone. There has to be guys out there who would want the same attributes to a relationship as I would. I guess you could call it a more mature version of a “Friend with Benefits” or at least that is what I tell myself. This would have been especially useful this weekend while attending my friends wedding. I was the person who went stag, while the large majority of my friends are in serious relationships. Yep, I was that girl. It would have been 100% more exhilarating if I had that YES man to attend with me who I would know that I would have fun with. Is this kind of man even out there? If so, can someone send him my way? I will be searching for him… or maybe the key is to not search at all? That is a whole other topic, which may be too long to blog.

But until next time!

~Emma

Groupon and Speed Dating

Five minutes. Can you feel a connection with someone in five minutes? Speed dating, originally created by a Jewish Rabbi from Beverly Hills in 1998, which uses this logic for singles to meet. I decided to test this theory since I vowed to try any kind of dating experience.

First, I must tell you that Groupon has apparently begun to influence my dating life. I saw a Groupon for a National Speed Dating company, whom had a home base near where I worked. I bought two discounts, hoping I could talk one of my good friends in to going with me. Of course I couldn’t go by myself with one of these things. The only knowledge I had of Speed Dating is what I have seen on Sex and The City and 40-year-old Virgin. If only that is what it was really like. It is a good thing I bought these coupons, because I definitely would not have been happy to pay $50 dollars to attend one of these things that didn’t even include a complimentary drink.

Obviously, first impressions are significant in any kind of relationship, with the ability to make or break it. Speed Dating is just that; a first impression. Unfortunately, the first impression didn’t go to well for my friend or me. I can humbly say that we were the best looking people in the room. I know I am sounding totally stuck up, but I do believe physical attraction is necessary and there was none of that going on. The demographic was also predominately Asian, which is not necessarily the type I am attracted to. However, I am not the type of person to give up or not give chances. Of course impressions can and should change once you meet somebody, but  the night just got perpetually worse. The room was HOT the entire time and we did not find out there was water in the room until we were two hours in; yes this was a 3 and a half hour event on a work night! Not only were the conditions uncomfortable, but it felt like I was on a job interview with 22 men. My friend and I ended up trying to make fun of the situation by asking really random and odd questions, which helped the night pass by quicker.

At the end of the evening, we used our “score cards” to write down the people we are interested and if they choose us as well, than the company sends the opposites information to you. I decided to only write two guys down whom I had the best conversations. We would find out if we were chosen the next day via email. As my inbox on my phone vibrated, I began to read the email the Speed Dating company sent me. I didn’t have ANY matches! I was perfectly ok with it, but there still was this feeling of why?

The movies definitely make it seem like Speed Dating is an exciting experience. I faced another harsh realization that movies and shows are just a fantasy.

If you decide to still attend one of these events, definitely wait until a Groupon deal strikes! 

Until next time……

Emma