You know that saying “if you stop looking for love it will find you”? In my personal opinion, this one statement is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard. If you believe this, you should probably throw away the extensive library of self-help books you own. There is no way a human you desire to date is just going to fall in your lap. If you are extremely lucky and timing is on your side you may be part of the 5% that happens to actually bump in to a stranger and have a happily ever after. But, for the rest of us, it is intentional life decisions regarding who, what and where we are that may result in meeting the man or woman of our dreams.
First, it is physically impossible to not-look at someone you are attracted to and not think of them as date-able or imagine a relationship with them. When I am out with friends, if we see an attractive man approaching, the first thing we discuss is whether or not that individual is our type. It is against human nature to not look for love or a mate.
If people stopped looking for love then there wouldn’t be OkCupid, Tinder, Match.com, eHarmony apps and websites. There also wouldn’t be Matchmaking services, Speed Dating or the newest addition to the dating world Grouper. According to a report released by Marketdata Enterprises, the dating services industry is worth more the 2.14 BILLION dollars. Logistically, if someone were to stop searching for their soul mate, someone else will find them because everyone else will be spending the time and money to sift through the available individuals.
If you like Tinder, swipe away. If eHarmony is more your style, leave it to the quizzes. The ability to meet new people, both romantically and for friendship, is the hardest it has ever been due to technology, traffic and our tough economy. So the next time you feel guilty for trying one of these ways to meet your match, don’t. It is more important to be self-aware of you your situation and to not become obsessed with finding someone. Everyone deserves to love and to be loved. So….seek and you shall find.
With the New Year approaching, it is time to re-evaluate and set new goals. Of course I still have the typical lose weight, stay organized and pay off debt, but I have decided to add a few new challenges to my list. These new challenges are not necessarily about re-inventing myself or becoming a new me, because I actually really like who I am. It is more about always trying to be the best person I can be and to not let my life waste away. Although I am only 25-years-old, the craziness of personal triumph and tragedy in 2013 has reminded me that life is short and we must rise to the occasion.
My first challenge is all about creating opportunities. This idea came about after enjoying dinner with a fellow single friend of mine. We were having our normal single girl rant conversations and two rather attractive men came and sat at the table next to us. We quickly realized they were having the same EXACT conversation we were having, with one even mentioning he was still trying to get over a recent break-up. We all continued to awkwardly acknowledge each other with glances across the table. They obviously noticed us and we noticed them. Yet, no one did anything about it. We could have easily started up a conversation and invited them to the next place we were going to have drinks, but we didn’t. The only reason I could think of on why we did that was because we were afraid, completely and utterly afraid of rejection. And this is where the pattern stops. We have to stop being afraid and take advantage of the opportunity, forcing myself to get out of my comfort zone. It is what Neale Donald Walsch said, “Life begins at the edge of your comfort zone.” If I am not going to date online and I have vowed to never date anyone at work (you don’t shit where you eat), than I am going to have to create opportunities and interactions to meet men in LA.
Another challenge I am making myself do also has to do with my dating life, but more about experimenting on what guys find attractive and who I am while dating. Obviously I am still going to be myself, but I literally have zero dating experience and going on first dates terrifies the crap out of me. With that being said, I am the nice girl and I can only assume that I portray the type of woman who doesn’t seem like a chase to men. This is why I usually am placed in the friend-zone (EliteDaily). So one day, I was googling books on how to attract men and one that I had heard multiple times before kept popping up on the feed. It was “Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl – A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship”, and I thought “this is exactly the book for me.” Book purchased, and I have decided after I read each chapter I am going to apply it to my life and write about the difference it has or hasn’t made in my dating life. I know it sounds stupid, but I could use anything to jump-start this dead battery of a dating life.
The year 2014 is looking like a land of possibilities and I am ready to grab it by its balls and run with it…every corny cliché rolled in to one.