Get your Mingle on

So, you have moved to a new city. Or maybe, you have grown out of your friendships and are looking to meet new people. Everyone has been there at some point in their life where you need an outlet to find like-minded individuals with whom you enjoy spending time. However, when in cities like Los Angeles, there is always a struggle to find the right place and time, but at a price where you aren’t going to have to dip into the vacation fund you have been saving up all year.

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Well, I am here to tell you White Oak premium vodka has your solution. With the launch of their product, the company will be hosting bi-monthly complimentary pourings with the first one in April held at Coco Laurent in Downtown Los Angeles from 5-7pm on the 24th. If you cannot make it before then, there will be happy hour pricing from 7-8pm.

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How can you turn this event down? I attended their kick-off event last Thursday, and it definitely lived up the brand’s mantra “This is Living.” It was easy to mingle on the patio with the young professional attendees. The chic location radiated sophistication and class providing the most appropriate setting to celebrate this one –of-a-kind product.

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Don’t miss the next pouring, Thursday, April 24th at Coco Laurent located at 707 S. Grand Ave. Los Angeles, CA 90017 from 5-8pm.

#Thisisliving

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One Dating Cliche you should NOT Listen to

You know that saying “if you stop looking for love it will find you”? In my personal opinion, this one statement is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard. If you believe this, you should probably throw away the extensive library of self-help books you own. There is no way a human you desire to date is just going to fall in your lap. If you are extremely lucky and timing is on your side you may be part of the 5% that happens to actually bump in to a stranger and have a happily ever after. But, for the rest of us, it is intentional life decisions regarding who, what and where we are that may result in meeting the man or woman of our dreams.

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First, it is physically impossible to not-look at someone you are attracted to and not think of them as date-able or imagine a relationship with them. When I am out with friends, if we see an attractive man approaching, the first thing we discuss is whether or not that individual is our type. It is against human nature to not look for love or a mate.

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If people stopped looking for love then there wouldn’t be OkCupid, Tinder, Match.com, eHarmony apps and websites. There also wouldn’t be Matchmaking services, Speed Dating or the newest addition to the dating world Grouper. According to a report released by Marketdata Enterprises, the dating services industry is worth more the 2.14 BILLION dollars. Logistically, if someone were to stop searching for their soul mate, someone else will find them because everyone else will be spending the time and money to sift through the available individuals.

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If you like Tinder, swipe away. If eHarmony is more your style, leave it to the quizzes. The ability to meet new people, both romantically and for friendship, is the hardest it has ever been due to technology, traffic and our tough economy. So the next time you feel guilty for trying one of these ways to meet your match, don’t. It is more important to be self-aware of you your situation and to not become obsessed with finding someone. Everyone deserves to love and to be loved. So….seek and you shall find.

its out there

Single Girl’s New Year’s Eve Struggle

All we want is to get all dressed up, hangout with a good group of friends,  get kissed at midnight by a nice guy who is nice to look at, and bring  in the New Year – Is that too much to ask?

The internal struggle of a single girl trying to decide her New Year’s Eve plans are real and the anxiety is high. As New Year’s Eve approaches we have definitely not committed to anything and must weigh all of our invite options. The final outcome of the night will definitely be a game time decision. We obviously want to be invited to as many events as possible that way we can cover our bases and have different types of events to choose from. However, in the end, the plethora of choices only makes it harder for us single gals, especially because each type of night has their pros and cons:

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Best Wifed-Up Friends– You are always invited to the events by this group of friends and you know you will have a good time because honestly they are your BEST friends. The only problem is you are always the third, fifth, eighth, eleventh wheel – you get the picture. They will never exclude you, but let’s be honest, it is a different vibe on holidays such as New Years. They are romantic and magical and I know if I were them I would probably spend a majority of my time making out and making googley eyes at my significant other. One day you will be in that inner circle, but this year is not that year.

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The Get out of Town Friend– So I live in Los Angeles and an amazingly fun friend of mine lives in San Diego, which is a great party atmosphere to celebrate new beginnings with a hangover after a night of mistakes you won’t want to remember. That being said it will be an amazing time. The only problem is the fact that although San Diego is only a two hour drive, that doesn’t translate in time for California traffic.  With it being a holiday week, this drive could take three hours there and an additional three hours back home. That drive wouldn’t be so bad if you didn’t have to keep reminding yourself  to breath when most likely any smell could bring on nausea. This also applies to most other cities because traveling this week of the year makes most people want to poke their eyes out with pencils. This option will be best for the next few years when the holiday doesn’t fall on a goddamn Tuesday ruining everyone’s PTO requests.

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The Single Girls Pack – This would be your best bet in a perfect world because your go to single girls are on the same page as you, most importantly when out on the town and drunkenly twerking. The only problem, they think the same way as you and half way committed to other group activities. Thus, the Single Girls Pack has dispersed to different parts of town for the evening and on top of that, there is no way you can decide which one of their events to go to since you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. Better planning for next year, but hey at least the annual Anti-Valentine’s day party is only a few weeks away and by then carbs will be your friend again. Who keeps their New Year’s resolution after January?

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The Work Happy Hour Tribe– This group knows how to party and you like to party with them, but that smooch once the clock strikes midnight can become really really complicated. It goes against your smart rule of “Don’t S*@t where you eat”. And isn’t the New Year about starting fresh with new experiences – not ones you’ll have to relive over and over again every time you run into them in the break room.  Best advice would be to steer clear of this till happy hour on a completely innocent and non-smooch your prince at midnight holiday.

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Well good luck choosing ladies; it’ll be hard, it’ll be spandex and glitter-filled, and it’ll likely end around 12:30am on your couch with left over Chinese food in complete bliss.

XOXO

Valerie

The Group Method

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So dating online was a bust.  I was on Match.com for about a month and a half and I didn’t go on one date…not one.  I understand that I have to open myself to options and allow myself to experience all different types of people, but in the end it all felt like work. It was emotionally draining to jump on to this Rolodex of men and sift through all of the spam and horn dogs to try and find a decent looking man who knew how to actually write a readable paragraph. It is not that hard to write between 5-8 sentences without a spelling error, but I digress.

So, based on that rant, I clearly couldn’t handle online dating. However, I have found new confidence in the fact that I am only 25, so it is OK to not “settle” for online dating. Right? With this in mind, I am now one of those girls who commits to group activities almost every day of the week. I mean the only way I am going to meet people is if I start putting myself in coed situations that interest me, but good luck in trying to plan a date because my social calendar is jam-packed. Just kidding, if someone wants to take me out, they don’t even need to ask me the question. I will cancel all plans. It has been THAT long.  So, as for the groups I am in:

A Writer’s Workshop: This group is technically killing two birds with one stone. First, I am a creative minded individual and I think the person I may be interested in should also have a slight dose of creativity. It takes a personality trait to understand the idiocies of creative individuals, writers especially. A person who attends a writer’s workshop clearly understands the need for peace and quiet to get work done, as well as has the potential to understand my curse of the scatter brain. But second, I clearly need to carve out a chunk of time in my life to get my writing back up to speed on both this blog and other writing projects I am trying to pursue. The fact that I looked at my blog and the last post had been in July is NO BUENO! Sorry folks!

Church Small Groups: So I am actually in two separate church groups that are actually in two separate areas of Los Angeles. I would like to think of it as my way of extending my radius of meeting potential mates. They also both have two very different demographics of people, specifically men. My faith is actually something very important to me and it is also one of those interests that can make or break a relationship because a person’s faith is something that most people use as a foundation for many aspects of their life.

Dodgeball: Yes, you read that right. I play dodgeball. This actually covers quite a few characteristics I look for in a guy. I am a pretty active individual and it would be great to find someone who loves athletics just as much as I do. You would be surprised; it takes athleticism to play this game. I have also learned it takes quite a bit of endurance, wink wink. If a man plays dodgeball, it also shows that he has the potential to not take things too seriously. I mean we are throwing rubber balls at each other. How is that NOT funny? Also, the fact is, this is a legit competition and a little competitive fire in a man can be very endearing.

So, with that being said, I better have some damn updates for you guys with everything I am involving myself in. If not, there has to be something wrong with the world. Obviously I will never admit to something being wrong with me.

XOXO

Emma

The Online Step

Image     My revelation? Right, that is where I was. Yes, Mexico was extremely therapeutic and I became this whole new woman on a mission to not seek love, but put myself in situations where the possibility exists. For me, this was online dating. This was my big risk, because let’s be real, you have to schedule an appointment just to see me these days with a life dedicated to two jobs and a full marathon I committed to participate in. Yeah, I know I am overloading myself and burning the candle at both ends, but I can’t get rid of my jobs and running is strictly a way I escape my mental inability to detach myself from the stress of life. But, whatever time I do have I will be window shopping for men online. At least, that is what a friend of mine told me it would be like because that is how it was for her. She has been in a successful relationship for a little over a year and my mom and step dad met online, so it must work right?

I have been on match.com for about two weeks now. One night my one girlfriend who was on eharmoney.com came over and we opened up a bottle of wine to set this baby of a profile up. Let me tell you, that process is exhausting in itself. It is crazy to see the analysis my friend and I went through to say the perfect sentence as my profile headline or the perfect pictures to post to show all the right angles of my body. I was so stressed out because I felt I apparently had to be able to attract EVERYONE. I know now that this isn’t possible.Image

I’ve learned after these two weeks, it is all a numbers game, which I suck at playing. There is a pattern that I can’t seem to guide myself out of. The guys I am attracted to and I reach out to do not respond to my emails or winks. Yes, that’s right a wink. It is a bizarre feature because I am pretty sure I have not done that at a bar to a man across the room, but I am assuming that is what the action is compared to. But anyways, I rarely received a response back. On the other hand, these men who were reaching out to me where in my exact same shoes. I felt awful for declining based off of a profile, but there has to be some instant attraction right? And I at least sent back a generic declining email. Is that more polite than just not responding? I know it sent me a needle of rejection every time I either didn’t hear from someone or received a rejection email. It just made me realize rejection hurts no matter what or who gives it to you. I saw this quote on Pinterest and it said, “Rejection is a part of life. Just learn to deal with it and keep moving.” Obviously, that is easier said than done, but I am going to try and not be that girl I tend to be where I internalize EVERYTHING causing some good old self-esteem issues.

I am going to stay positive through this experience and hope that maybe some good dates come out of dating online.

To finding love…

Emma Faith ❤

The Dating Rules

The option to fail in dating is higher due to our unrealistic image of fate and how it is meant to be. The majority of this image comes from movies, TV shows or even magazine articles we read in which we identify these dating “rules” we must follow. I personally don’t think there is anything wrong with these rules because we all need some guidelines and standards to live by in all aspects in life, especially dating. The issue I am having is deciding which “dating” rules I am supposed to follow and which ones are total BS. For instance, if I exchange numbers with a guy, do I need to wait for him to text me first? And if I don’t need to wait, how many days am I supposed to give to balance the “over eager girl” with the “forgotten one” after waiting too long? Or how many dates do we wait to get intimate with a guy? This rule is courtesy of the move Friends with Benefits, one of my all-time favorite RomComs. But can I really trust the rules of having a “cuddle buddy?” There are just so many questions in my head so I decided my quest will only take me to one place…..Google.

Below are some of the most popular dating rules / myths that I found relate to what we see on television and what some articles I found on the internet say about them.

  1. Don’t have sex on the first date, but be prepared to sleep on the third one.

I personally don’t think there should be a set time limit and it should be about what feels right and what the expectation of the relationship is. However, I do feel that it should always be about how comfortable you are with it and moving at your own pace. According to an article written by Denise Schipani, she agrees, stating “…rules don’t help you figure out the right time to have sex – your own feelings and instincts do.”

  1. If you are divorced, wait one month for each year you were married before dating.

I find this just ludicrous. People move on in some many different ways. I have never been married, but I can’t see this as being reasonable. What happens to the man or woman who had been married for 20 years?

  1. The guy always pays.

This one is tough because it comes down to the view the female and male have on a traditional view or a new age view. I am a hopeless romantic and want to be whisked off my feet, and one way to do that is by picking up the check a majority of the time. I am the first to admit that a woman does not need a man, but I do know that in my relationships the money he spends will be a wash because I truly love to spoil my boyfriends.

  1. The guy needs to call first.

This rule is the one I struggle with the most. Traditionally, a woman waits for the man to call, but now social networking changes everything. They can just go look you up and get a second impression without even a phone call or text. I do not think that a woman can’t call, but I do think woman take rejection harder and I would much rather not receive a call, then putting the effort out there first and not hearing back.

  1. Online Dating is the last resort and/or only for the updateable.  

I would be in this category to think this statement is true, but I am quickly learning that in this day and age it is completely acceptable and almost the best way to meet new people. With our hectic lives, it is hard to meet people, especially in bars in Los Angeles. I have been at this for how many months? I have also seen firsthand the success rate, having friends in their twenties find true love. The stereotype is that they are either a pedophile or loser, but this is all just a generalization. Studies show that one in five dating sites users marry someone they met online and 94% of couples who have developed a relationship online will make it to at least the second date. I find that to be really good odds. This brings me to my next adventure. Along time ago, I came across this website that sends you to a certain bar to meet a compatible companion based on a quiz you took and I always that it was a fantastic idea, especially for LA. This site has now turned in to an online dating site and match-making service rolled in to one, with the working professional in mind. The website is www.ThreeDayRule.com and I am diving head first in to it. And I will make sure to keep you posted.

If you have any other dating rules you want to talk about or have your favorite online dating site or story, please don’t hesitate to post in my comment section.

Until next time….

Emma J

Cheers to a New Chapter

In traffic… It seems to be the place where I do my deepest thinking. It is here that I am easily lost in my wondering thoughts sitting on the 405 in the worst bumper to bumper traffic, heading home from the typical 9-6 corporate job I worked so eagerly towards after college. I thought I had my life all mapped out, but here I am a year after graduating finding myself re-evaluating my life yet again. I had thought the drastic change I experienced after college and moving away from home would be the hardest change I would endure until marriage and kids entered the picture. What I didn’t realize was that my heart would go through so much torture after a six year relationship reached its breaking point and ultimately failed. I am now thrust in this world I never even really entered, the dating world.

Here in lies the background behind my decision to do this blog following my dating life and everything that comes with it. About 9 months ago, I made one of the hardest decisions of my life. I broke off a six year relationship with someone I had been with since my senior year of high school. Yes, that puts me at 24 years old. He was my first boyfriend, first love and my everything. I honestly saw myself marrying this man. This was definitely premature thinking on my part because really how do you know what you truly want when you are 18, but at that time I wanted him in my life forever. Fast forward almost seven years later and here I am rehashing the past nine months of trying to work something out that was never meant to be. Our lives started to head in different directions and I truly believe there was nothing either of us could do about it. We didn’t want the same things. There is no need to go into the logistics of why we aren’t together or what we have recently put each other through, all there is to know is that chapter in my life is closed.

My friends and family have urged me to throw myself out there and meet new guys. All I can think to myself is how scared I am and what if I made the wrong decision. Ironically, I came across this quote that has put this project of mine in to motion. “You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.” From that moment on, I knew this was something I wanted to do and my hope is this will help rebuild myself to be the strong woman I once was and maybe even inspire other women who are going through the same pains and fears.

So this is where the journey of my love life in L.A begins. The good, the bad, the funny and even the weirdest dating experiences I hope will unfold and I hope to bring them all to you.  I plan on thrusting myself in to every type of dating outlet I can, with the intention of not only healing, but gaining valuable dating experience I have longed for. 

Until next time!

~Emma