One Dating Cliche you should NOT Listen to

You know that saying “if you stop looking for love it will find you”? In my personal opinion, this one statement is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard. If you believe this, you should probably throw away the extensive library of self-help books you own. There is no way a human you desire to date is just going to fall in your lap. If you are extremely lucky and timing is on your side you may be part of the 5% that happens to actually bump in to a stranger and have a happily ever after. But, for the rest of us, it is intentional life decisions regarding who, what and where we are that may result in meeting the man or woman of our dreams.

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First, it is physically impossible to not-look at someone you are attracted to and not think of them as date-able or imagine a relationship with them. When I am out with friends, if we see an attractive man approaching, the first thing we discuss is whether or not that individual is our type. It is against human nature to not look for love or a mate.

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If people stopped looking for love then there wouldn’t be OkCupid, Tinder, Match.com, eHarmony apps and websites. There also wouldn’t be Matchmaking services, Speed Dating or the newest addition to the dating world Grouper. According to a report released by Marketdata Enterprises, the dating services industry is worth more the 2.14 BILLION dollars. Logistically, if someone were to stop searching for their soul mate, someone else will find them because everyone else will be spending the time and money to sift through the available individuals.

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If you like Tinder, swipe away. If eHarmony is more your style, leave it to the quizzes. The ability to meet new people, both romantically and for friendship, is the hardest it has ever been due to technology, traffic and our tough economy. So the next time you feel guilty for trying one of these ways to meet your match, don’t. It is more important to be self-aware of you your situation and to not become obsessed with finding someone. Everyone deserves to love and to be loved. So….seek and you shall find.

its out there

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The Group Method

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So dating online was a bust.  I was on Match.com for about a month and a half and I didn’t go on one date…not one.  I understand that I have to open myself to options and allow myself to experience all different types of people, but in the end it all felt like work. It was emotionally draining to jump on to this Rolodex of men and sift through all of the spam and horn dogs to try and find a decent looking man who knew how to actually write a readable paragraph. It is not that hard to write between 5-8 sentences without a spelling error, but I digress.

So, based on that rant, I clearly couldn’t handle online dating. However, I have found new confidence in the fact that I am only 25, so it is OK to not “settle” for online dating. Right? With this in mind, I am now one of those girls who commits to group activities almost every day of the week. I mean the only way I am going to meet people is if I start putting myself in coed situations that interest me, but good luck in trying to plan a date because my social calendar is jam-packed. Just kidding, if someone wants to take me out, they don’t even need to ask me the question. I will cancel all plans. It has been THAT long.  So, as for the groups I am in:

A Writer’s Workshop: This group is technically killing two birds with one stone. First, I am a creative minded individual and I think the person I may be interested in should also have a slight dose of creativity. It takes a personality trait to understand the idiocies of creative individuals, writers especially. A person who attends a writer’s workshop clearly understands the need for peace and quiet to get work done, as well as has the potential to understand my curse of the scatter brain. But second, I clearly need to carve out a chunk of time in my life to get my writing back up to speed on both this blog and other writing projects I am trying to pursue. The fact that I looked at my blog and the last post had been in July is NO BUENO! Sorry folks!

Church Small Groups: So I am actually in two separate church groups that are actually in two separate areas of Los Angeles. I would like to think of it as my way of extending my radius of meeting potential mates. They also both have two very different demographics of people, specifically men. My faith is actually something very important to me and it is also one of those interests that can make or break a relationship because a person’s faith is something that most people use as a foundation for many aspects of their life.

Dodgeball: Yes, you read that right. I play dodgeball. This actually covers quite a few characteristics I look for in a guy. I am a pretty active individual and it would be great to find someone who loves athletics just as much as I do. You would be surprised; it takes athleticism to play this game. I have also learned it takes quite a bit of endurance, wink wink. If a man plays dodgeball, it also shows that he has the potential to not take things too seriously. I mean we are throwing rubber balls at each other. How is that NOT funny? Also, the fact is, this is a legit competition and a little competitive fire in a man can be very endearing.

So, with that being said, I better have some damn updates for you guys with everything I am involving myself in. If not, there has to be something wrong with the world. Obviously I will never admit to something being wrong with me.

XOXO

Emma

The YES Man

 

 

 

Frustration. Loneliness. Free. Lost. Happy. Anxious. Confused. These are a majority of the feelings I have felt over the last few months while being on this journey called being single. I almost feel like I am in a ten step program or the stages of grief; maybe a mixture of the two. These feelings honestly depend on the circumstances or surroundings of my life. Like today the Taylor Swift CD “Red” was released, which of course I bought being a huge fan. As much as I loved the ENTIRE album, it made me extremely sad about my relationship status and what it has encountered. But then there are those moments where it is nice to not have to be accountable to anyone but you. I can do as I please at any moment…for the most part.

I honestly think that what I need in my life is a YES man, as my brother would say. A YES man is someone who is available the majority of the time to hangout and do adventurous things together that we both want to do. With such a hectic schedule, I don’t necessarily have the time to put my emotions and energy in to maintaining a romantic relationship with someone. There has to be guys out there who would want the same attributes to a relationship as I would. I guess you could call it a more mature version of a “Friend with Benefits” or at least that is what I tell myself. This would have been especially useful this weekend while attending my friends wedding. I was the person who went stag, while the large majority of my friends are in serious relationships. Yep, I was that girl. It would have been 100% more exhilarating if I had that YES man to attend with me who I would know that I would have fun with. Is this kind of man even out there? If so, can someone send him my way? I will be searching for him… or maybe the key is to not search at all? That is a whole other topic, which may be too long to blog.

But until next time!

~Emma

Cheers to a New Chapter

In traffic… It seems to be the place where I do my deepest thinking. It is here that I am easily lost in my wondering thoughts sitting on the 405 in the worst bumper to bumper traffic, heading home from the typical 9-6 corporate job I worked so eagerly towards after college. I thought I had my life all mapped out, but here I am a year after graduating finding myself re-evaluating my life yet again. I had thought the drastic change I experienced after college and moving away from home would be the hardest change I would endure until marriage and kids entered the picture. What I didn’t realize was that my heart would go through so much torture after a six year relationship reached its breaking point and ultimately failed. I am now thrust in this world I never even really entered, the dating world.

Here in lies the background behind my decision to do this blog following my dating life and everything that comes with it. About 9 months ago, I made one of the hardest decisions of my life. I broke off a six year relationship with someone I had been with since my senior year of high school. Yes, that puts me at 24 years old. He was my first boyfriend, first love and my everything. I honestly saw myself marrying this man. This was definitely premature thinking on my part because really how do you know what you truly want when you are 18, but at that time I wanted him in my life forever. Fast forward almost seven years later and here I am rehashing the past nine months of trying to work something out that was never meant to be. Our lives started to head in different directions and I truly believe there was nothing either of us could do about it. We didn’t want the same things. There is no need to go into the logistics of why we aren’t together or what we have recently put each other through, all there is to know is that chapter in my life is closed.

My friends and family have urged me to throw myself out there and meet new guys. All I can think to myself is how scared I am and what if I made the wrong decision. Ironically, I came across this quote that has put this project of mine in to motion. “You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.” From that moment on, I knew this was something I wanted to do and my hope is this will help rebuild myself to be the strong woman I once was and maybe even inspire other women who are going through the same pains and fears.

So this is where the journey of my love life in L.A begins. The good, the bad, the funny and even the weirdest dating experiences I hope will unfold and I hope to bring them all to you.  I plan on thrusting myself in to every type of dating outlet I can, with the intention of not only healing, but gaining valuable dating experience I have longed for. 

Until next time!

~Emma