One Dating Cliche you should NOT Listen to

You know that saying “if you stop looking for love it will find you”? In my personal opinion, this one statement is the biggest load of crap I have ever heard. If you believe this, you should probably throw away the extensive library of self-help books you own. There is no way a human you desire to date is just going to fall in your lap. If you are extremely lucky and timing is on your side you may be part of the 5% that happens to actually bump in to a stranger and have a happily ever after. But, for the rest of us, it is intentional life decisions regarding who, what and where we are that may result in meeting the man or woman of our dreams.

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First, it is physically impossible to not-look at someone you are attracted to and not think of them as date-able or imagine a relationship with them. When I am out with friends, if we see an attractive man approaching, the first thing we discuss is whether or not that individual is our type. It is against human nature to not look for love or a mate.

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If people stopped looking for love then there wouldn’t be OkCupid, Tinder, Match.com, eHarmony apps and websites. There also wouldn’t be Matchmaking services, Speed Dating or the newest addition to the dating world Grouper. According to a report released by Marketdata Enterprises, the dating services industry is worth more the 2.14 BILLION dollars. Logistically, if someone were to stop searching for their soul mate, someone else will find them because everyone else will be spending the time and money to sift through the available individuals.

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If you like Tinder, swipe away. If eHarmony is more your style, leave it to the quizzes. The ability to meet new people, both romantically and for friendship, is the hardest it has ever been due to technology, traffic and our tough economy. So the next time you feel guilty for trying one of these ways to meet your match, don’t. It is more important to be self-aware of you your situation and to not become obsessed with finding someone. Everyone deserves to love and to be loved. So….seek and you shall find.

its out there

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The Group Method

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So dating online was a bust.  I was on Match.com for about a month and a half and I didn’t go on one date…not one.  I understand that I have to open myself to options and allow myself to experience all different types of people, but in the end it all felt like work. It was emotionally draining to jump on to this Rolodex of men and sift through all of the spam and horn dogs to try and find a decent looking man who knew how to actually write a readable paragraph. It is not that hard to write between 5-8 sentences without a spelling error, but I digress.

So, based on that rant, I clearly couldn’t handle online dating. However, I have found new confidence in the fact that I am only 25, so it is OK to not “settle” for online dating. Right? With this in mind, I am now one of those girls who commits to group activities almost every day of the week. I mean the only way I am going to meet people is if I start putting myself in coed situations that interest me, but good luck in trying to plan a date because my social calendar is jam-packed. Just kidding, if someone wants to take me out, they don’t even need to ask me the question. I will cancel all plans. It has been THAT long.  So, as for the groups I am in:

A Writer’s Workshop: This group is technically killing two birds with one stone. First, I am a creative minded individual and I think the person I may be interested in should also have a slight dose of creativity. It takes a personality trait to understand the idiocies of creative individuals, writers especially. A person who attends a writer’s workshop clearly understands the need for peace and quiet to get work done, as well as has the potential to understand my curse of the scatter brain. But second, I clearly need to carve out a chunk of time in my life to get my writing back up to speed on both this blog and other writing projects I am trying to pursue. The fact that I looked at my blog and the last post had been in July is NO BUENO! Sorry folks!

Church Small Groups: So I am actually in two separate church groups that are actually in two separate areas of Los Angeles. I would like to think of it as my way of extending my radius of meeting potential mates. They also both have two very different demographics of people, specifically men. My faith is actually something very important to me and it is also one of those interests that can make or break a relationship because a person’s faith is something that most people use as a foundation for many aspects of their life.

Dodgeball: Yes, you read that right. I play dodgeball. This actually covers quite a few characteristics I look for in a guy. I am a pretty active individual and it would be great to find someone who loves athletics just as much as I do. You would be surprised; it takes athleticism to play this game. I have also learned it takes quite a bit of endurance, wink wink. If a man plays dodgeball, it also shows that he has the potential to not take things too seriously. I mean we are throwing rubber balls at each other. How is that NOT funny? Also, the fact is, this is a legit competition and a little competitive fire in a man can be very endearing.

So, with that being said, I better have some damn updates for you guys with everything I am involving myself in. If not, there has to be something wrong with the world. Obviously I will never admit to something being wrong with me.

XOXO

Emma

The Online Step

Image     My revelation? Right, that is where I was. Yes, Mexico was extremely therapeutic and I became this whole new woman on a mission to not seek love, but put myself in situations where the possibility exists. For me, this was online dating. This was my big risk, because let’s be real, you have to schedule an appointment just to see me these days with a life dedicated to two jobs and a full marathon I committed to participate in. Yeah, I know I am overloading myself and burning the candle at both ends, but I can’t get rid of my jobs and running is strictly a way I escape my mental inability to detach myself from the stress of life. But, whatever time I do have I will be window shopping for men online. At least, that is what a friend of mine told me it would be like because that is how it was for her. She has been in a successful relationship for a little over a year and my mom and step dad met online, so it must work right?

I have been on match.com for about two weeks now. One night my one girlfriend who was on eharmoney.com came over and we opened up a bottle of wine to set this baby of a profile up. Let me tell you, that process is exhausting in itself. It is crazy to see the analysis my friend and I went through to say the perfect sentence as my profile headline or the perfect pictures to post to show all the right angles of my body. I was so stressed out because I felt I apparently had to be able to attract EVERYONE. I know now that this isn’t possible.Image

I’ve learned after these two weeks, it is all a numbers game, which I suck at playing. There is a pattern that I can’t seem to guide myself out of. The guys I am attracted to and I reach out to do not respond to my emails or winks. Yes, that’s right a wink. It is a bizarre feature because I am pretty sure I have not done that at a bar to a man across the room, but I am assuming that is what the action is compared to. But anyways, I rarely received a response back. On the other hand, these men who were reaching out to me where in my exact same shoes. I felt awful for declining based off of a profile, but there has to be some instant attraction right? And I at least sent back a generic declining email. Is that more polite than just not responding? I know it sent me a needle of rejection every time I either didn’t hear from someone or received a rejection email. It just made me realize rejection hurts no matter what or who gives it to you. I saw this quote on Pinterest and it said, “Rejection is a part of life. Just learn to deal with it and keep moving.” Obviously, that is easier said than done, but I am going to try and not be that girl I tend to be where I internalize EVERYTHING causing some good old self-esteem issues.

I am going to stay positive through this experience and hope that maybe some good dates come out of dating online.

To finding love…

Emma Faith ❤

The Dating Rules

The option to fail in dating is higher due to our unrealistic image of fate and how it is meant to be. The majority of this image comes from movies, TV shows or even magazine articles we read in which we identify these dating “rules” we must follow. I personally don’t think there is anything wrong with these rules because we all need some guidelines and standards to live by in all aspects in life, especially dating. The issue I am having is deciding which “dating” rules I am supposed to follow and which ones are total BS. For instance, if I exchange numbers with a guy, do I need to wait for him to text me first? And if I don’t need to wait, how many days am I supposed to give to balance the “over eager girl” with the “forgotten one” after waiting too long? Or how many dates do we wait to get intimate with a guy? This rule is courtesy of the move Friends with Benefits, one of my all-time favorite RomComs. But can I really trust the rules of having a “cuddle buddy?” There are just so many questions in my head so I decided my quest will only take me to one place…..Google.

Below are some of the most popular dating rules / myths that I found relate to what we see on television and what some articles I found on the internet say about them.

  1. Don’t have sex on the first date, but be prepared to sleep on the third one.

I personally don’t think there should be a set time limit and it should be about what feels right and what the expectation of the relationship is. However, I do feel that it should always be about how comfortable you are with it and moving at your own pace. According to an article written by Denise Schipani, she agrees, stating “…rules don’t help you figure out the right time to have sex – your own feelings and instincts do.”

  1. If you are divorced, wait one month for each year you were married before dating.

I find this just ludicrous. People move on in some many different ways. I have never been married, but I can’t see this as being reasonable. What happens to the man or woman who had been married for 20 years?

  1. The guy always pays.

This one is tough because it comes down to the view the female and male have on a traditional view or a new age view. I am a hopeless romantic and want to be whisked off my feet, and one way to do that is by picking up the check a majority of the time. I am the first to admit that a woman does not need a man, but I do know that in my relationships the money he spends will be a wash because I truly love to spoil my boyfriends.

  1. The guy needs to call first.

This rule is the one I struggle with the most. Traditionally, a woman waits for the man to call, but now social networking changes everything. They can just go look you up and get a second impression without even a phone call or text. I do not think that a woman can’t call, but I do think woman take rejection harder and I would much rather not receive a call, then putting the effort out there first and not hearing back.

  1. Online Dating is the last resort and/or only for the updateable.  

I would be in this category to think this statement is true, but I am quickly learning that in this day and age it is completely acceptable and almost the best way to meet new people. With our hectic lives, it is hard to meet people, especially in bars in Los Angeles. I have been at this for how many months? I have also seen firsthand the success rate, having friends in their twenties find true love. The stereotype is that they are either a pedophile or loser, but this is all just a generalization. Studies show that one in five dating sites users marry someone they met online and 94% of couples who have developed a relationship online will make it to at least the second date. I find that to be really good odds. This brings me to my next adventure. Along time ago, I came across this website that sends you to a certain bar to meet a compatible companion based on a quiz you took and I always that it was a fantastic idea, especially for LA. This site has now turned in to an online dating site and match-making service rolled in to one, with the working professional in mind. The website is www.ThreeDayRule.com and I am diving head first in to it. And I will make sure to keep you posted.

If you have any other dating rules you want to talk about or have your favorite online dating site or story, please don’t hesitate to post in my comment section.

Until next time….

Emma J