The Group Method

juggling72

So dating online was a bust.  I was on Match.com for about a month and a half and I didn’t go on one date…not one.  I understand that I have to open myself to options and allow myself to experience all different types of people, but in the end it all felt like work. It was emotionally draining to jump on to this Rolodex of men and sift through all of the spam and horn dogs to try and find a decent looking man who knew how to actually write a readable paragraph. It is not that hard to write between 5-8 sentences without a spelling error, but I digress.

So, based on that rant, I clearly couldn’t handle online dating. However, I have found new confidence in the fact that I am only 25, so it is OK to not “settle” for online dating. Right? With this in mind, I am now one of those girls who commits to group activities almost every day of the week. I mean the only way I am going to meet people is if I start putting myself in coed situations that interest me, but good luck in trying to plan a date because my social calendar is jam-packed. Just kidding, if someone wants to take me out, they don’t even need to ask me the question. I will cancel all plans. It has been THAT long.  So, as for the groups I am in:

A Writer’s Workshop: This group is technically killing two birds with one stone. First, I am a creative minded individual and I think the person I may be interested in should also have a slight dose of creativity. It takes a personality trait to understand the idiocies of creative individuals, writers especially. A person who attends a writer’s workshop clearly understands the need for peace and quiet to get work done, as well as has the potential to understand my curse of the scatter brain. But second, I clearly need to carve out a chunk of time in my life to get my writing back up to speed on both this blog and other writing projects I am trying to pursue. The fact that I looked at my blog and the last post had been in July is NO BUENO! Sorry folks!

Church Small Groups: So I am actually in two separate church groups that are actually in two separate areas of Los Angeles. I would like to think of it as my way of extending my radius of meeting potential mates. They also both have two very different demographics of people, specifically men. My faith is actually something very important to me and it is also one of those interests that can make or break a relationship because a person’s faith is something that most people use as a foundation for many aspects of their life.

Dodgeball: Yes, you read that right. I play dodgeball. This actually covers quite a few characteristics I look for in a guy. I am a pretty active individual and it would be great to find someone who loves athletics just as much as I do. You would be surprised; it takes athleticism to play this game. I have also learned it takes quite a bit of endurance, wink wink. If a man plays dodgeball, it also shows that he has the potential to not take things too seriously. I mean we are throwing rubber balls at each other. How is that NOT funny? Also, the fact is, this is a legit competition and a little competitive fire in a man can be very endearing.

So, with that being said, I better have some damn updates for you guys with everything I am involving myself in. If not, there has to be something wrong with the world. Obviously I will never admit to something being wrong with me.

XOXO

Emma

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The Dating Rules

The option to fail in dating is higher due to our unrealistic image of fate and how it is meant to be. The majority of this image comes from movies, TV shows or even magazine articles we read in which we identify these dating “rules” we must follow. I personally don’t think there is anything wrong with these rules because we all need some guidelines and standards to live by in all aspects in life, especially dating. The issue I am having is deciding which “dating” rules I am supposed to follow and which ones are total BS. For instance, if I exchange numbers with a guy, do I need to wait for him to text me first? And if I don’t need to wait, how many days am I supposed to give to balance the “over eager girl” with the “forgotten one” after waiting too long? Or how many dates do we wait to get intimate with a guy? This rule is courtesy of the move Friends with Benefits, one of my all-time favorite RomComs. But can I really trust the rules of having a “cuddle buddy?” There are just so many questions in my head so I decided my quest will only take me to one place…..Google.

Below are some of the most popular dating rules / myths that I found relate to what we see on television and what some articles I found on the internet say about them.

  1. Don’t have sex on the first date, but be prepared to sleep on the third one.

I personally don’t think there should be a set time limit and it should be about what feels right and what the expectation of the relationship is. However, I do feel that it should always be about how comfortable you are with it and moving at your own pace. According to an article written by Denise Schipani, she agrees, stating “…rules don’t help you figure out the right time to have sex – your own feelings and instincts do.”

  1. If you are divorced, wait one month for each year you were married before dating.

I find this just ludicrous. People move on in some many different ways. I have never been married, but I can’t see this as being reasonable. What happens to the man or woman who had been married for 20 years?

  1. The guy always pays.

This one is tough because it comes down to the view the female and male have on a traditional view or a new age view. I am a hopeless romantic and want to be whisked off my feet, and one way to do that is by picking up the check a majority of the time. I am the first to admit that a woman does not need a man, but I do know that in my relationships the money he spends will be a wash because I truly love to spoil my boyfriends.

  1. The guy needs to call first.

This rule is the one I struggle with the most. Traditionally, a woman waits for the man to call, but now social networking changes everything. They can just go look you up and get a second impression without even a phone call or text. I do not think that a woman can’t call, but I do think woman take rejection harder and I would much rather not receive a call, then putting the effort out there first and not hearing back.

  1. Online Dating is the last resort and/or only for the updateable.  

I would be in this category to think this statement is true, but I am quickly learning that in this day and age it is completely acceptable and almost the best way to meet new people. With our hectic lives, it is hard to meet people, especially in bars in Los Angeles. I have been at this for how many months? I have also seen firsthand the success rate, having friends in their twenties find true love. The stereotype is that they are either a pedophile or loser, but this is all just a generalization. Studies show that one in five dating sites users marry someone they met online and 94% of couples who have developed a relationship online will make it to at least the second date. I find that to be really good odds. This brings me to my next adventure. Along time ago, I came across this website that sends you to a certain bar to meet a compatible companion based on a quiz you took and I always that it was a fantastic idea, especially for LA. This site has now turned in to an online dating site and match-making service rolled in to one, with the working professional in mind. The website is www.ThreeDayRule.com and I am diving head first in to it. And I will make sure to keep you posted.

If you have any other dating rules you want to talk about or have your favorite online dating site or story, please don’t hesitate to post in my comment section.

Until next time….

Emma J

Groupon and Speed Dating

Five minutes. Can you feel a connection with someone in five minutes? Speed dating, originally created by a Jewish Rabbi from Beverly Hills in 1998, which uses this logic for singles to meet. I decided to test this theory since I vowed to try any kind of dating experience.

First, I must tell you that Groupon has apparently begun to influence my dating life. I saw a Groupon for a National Speed Dating company, whom had a home base near where I worked. I bought two discounts, hoping I could talk one of my good friends in to going with me. Of course I couldn’t go by myself with one of these things. The only knowledge I had of Speed Dating is what I have seen on Sex and The City and 40-year-old Virgin. If only that is what it was really like. It is a good thing I bought these coupons, because I definitely would not have been happy to pay $50 dollars to attend one of these things that didn’t even include a complimentary drink.

Obviously, first impressions are significant in any kind of relationship, with the ability to make or break it. Speed Dating is just that; a first impression. Unfortunately, the first impression didn’t go to well for my friend or me. I can humbly say that we were the best looking people in the room. I know I am sounding totally stuck up, but I do believe physical attraction is necessary and there was none of that going on. The demographic was also predominately Asian, which is not necessarily the type I am attracted to. However, I am not the type of person to give up or not give chances. Of course impressions can and should change once you meet somebody, but  the night just got perpetually worse. The room was HOT the entire time and we did not find out there was water in the room until we were two hours in; yes this was a 3 and a half hour event on a work night! Not only were the conditions uncomfortable, but it felt like I was on a job interview with 22 men. My friend and I ended up trying to make fun of the situation by asking really random and odd questions, which helped the night pass by quicker.

At the end of the evening, we used our “score cards” to write down the people we are interested and if they choose us as well, than the company sends the opposites information to you. I decided to only write two guys down whom I had the best conversations. We would find out if we were chosen the next day via email. As my inbox on my phone vibrated, I began to read the email the Speed Dating company sent me. I didn’t have ANY matches! I was perfectly ok with it, but there still was this feeling of why?

The movies definitely make it seem like Speed Dating is an exciting experience. I faced another harsh realization that movies and shows are just a fantasy.

If you decide to still attend one of these events, definitely wait until a Groupon deal strikes! 

Until next time……

Emma

And I’m Off…..

I have come to terms with single life and have the hopes it will be a blast, however this revelation has come with total anxiety and panic. I am legitimately scared, and I think for good reason. It is not easy. It takes time, money, and energy, all of which are completely scarce in my life.

I am finding a wing woman is essential for any kind of success rate. One of my best girlfriends and I decided to take a short weekend trip to San Diego….paradise. Out of our tandem, I am the only one seeking out any kind of interaction with the opposite sex, making her the perfect wing woman.  So, we decided to go out on the town. We meet these really cool guys at a local bar and this really attractive man seemed interested in me. You better believe my confidence level spiked.

So, the bar officially closes and we decide to do a late night Denny’s run after an invite from “hot guy”. I am thinking he is interested because we have now spent a close 5 hours with each other. I am ready to give this guy my number. Little did I know this night would come to a screeching halt. After our $4.00 meal at Denny’s, which he did not pay for, the group of guys would not walk us home and didn’t even ask if we wanted a cab! We are sent off on our way with an “It was great meeting you and you are beautiful”. What is that? I mean , I know I am newly back in the game, but how do you spend that amount of hours with someone and not even ask for a number or at least be gentleman enough to make sure two girls make it home safely? Am I being too harsh on this subject? Needless to say, the night was a total bust in my book; however I did learn these important things:

  • I need a gentleman, not a boy.
  • I realized that yes, handsome men will be interested; not just my ex.
  • Bars are not scary and I need to stop being so shy.
  • Confidence is key.

I guess we live and we learn, but man I wish my first experience wasn’t so……….fantastic and miserable at the same time. I will just  keep putting myself out there; or I can keep reading romance novels to fill the void 🙂 

Until next time,

Emma